Advice On Boosting Your Child's Self-Confidence
posted on 04/17/2009
Self-confidence is one of the most important attributes a child or adult can have, and yet many parents seem to feel it is their job to destroy their child's self-confidence for the child's "own good". In our society, we are often taught that it is inappropriate to think highly of yourself and "blow your own horn", but the fact is, that's exactly what a child should do. And that attribute should carry over into adult life. If you can't be your own cheerleader, no one else will be inspired to cheer you on!
However, there is a difference between appropriate self-confidence and annoying self aggrandizement! What can parents and caregivers do to be sure that children give themselves appropriate credit for accomplishments and good qualities without being falsely boastful. Here are a few ideas that I hope will help you in building the self- confidence of any child in your care.
Pay Attention.
Give your child credit for jobs well done, good thoughts, and good intentions. When your child comes to you full of ideas and stories, don't listen with half an ear. Look at your child and give her thoughts respectful attention. Of course, you will want to be able to get your own tasks done during the day, so you may want to set up a special "meeting time" with your child daily to hear what she has to say and to encourage good ideas.
Appreciate Your Child's Interests and Dreams.
If your child comes to you saying she wants to be a fireman or a dog-catcher or a flight attendant or a brain surgeon or anything else, no matter what you think of that career, do not say, "No, you don't want that." This is a crippling statement that can keep a child from ever knowing what she actually wants. Instead, explore the possibilities of the child's thoughts. Weigh the positive and negative aspects of the idea, and allow the child to decide. Realize that a child's decision may last a few moments, days, months or a lifetime. Your proclamations, on the other hand, are sure to stay with your child forever.
Allow Your Child To Make Daily Choices.
Don't make all of your child's little decisions for her. Let her choose what to wear, what games to play, what to eat, and so on. Maintain appropriateness of choices by offering a limited number of appropriate choices. In this way, you can be sure that your child is wearing clothing that is appropriate for the weather, playing games that are age appropriate and safe, and eating food that is nutritious. But be sure to give your child free choice within the choices you provide.
If she absolutely insists on making an inappropriate choice, allow it as long as it is not dangerous. For example, a child who will not put on her shoes, will be highly likely to want to put them on after walking around barefoot for a very short time. When she asks, pull them out and hand them to her without a word! There is no need for any kind of reprimand or punishment in this sort of situation. The natural consequences of the child's own decision will have shown her how to make a better choice next time!
Empower Your Child to Master Her Emotions.
Mastering one's emotions is different from controlling one's emotions. When we master our emotions, we understand them and take responsibility for them. We know how to identify our emotions, deal with the causes of them, and redirect them to our benefit.
Be sure your child understands that ultimately the responsibility for any emotions she may be feeling rests firmly on her own shoulders and that blaming others solves nothing. When she is feeling upset or disappointed, help her think of ways to manage whatever problem is causing the feeling and then turn that feeling around.
Model this behavior for your child by striving to find ways to redirect your own emotions and always seeing your own responsibility in the way you feel. Openly find ways to lift your own spirits and care for yourself. Avoid blaming others - especially your child- for your feelings.
Help Your Child Find Her Place in The World.
Support your child's hobbies and interests. Never speak disparagingly of the pursuits your child values. Help your child find things to do independently that will help her know her own skills and strengths. This is how children learn what they want to do with their lives. Happy, healthy, active interest in hobbies, interests, and activities provides a child with knowledge, skills, and abilities that help build self-confidence. Knowing what she can do and how well she can do it will help her find or create her place in the world.
Mind Your Own Business.
It may be very tempting to step in and settle every dispute between your child and her friends, but in the long run, this will not help your child. If she is to learn to negotiate and assert herself in the world, she must learn to settle her disputes herself. Avoid jumping right in and solving everything every time. Allow children to have disagreements and wrangle over their decisions unless, of course, they wrangle physically or become hateful or destructive. If you do need to get involved, avoid "laying down the law". Instead, try to listen to each side of the dispute, then have the children involved suggest solutions to the problem. Encourage them to work together to compromise and arrive at a solution that will work for all involved. By doing this, you are teaching your child how to stick up for herself in a non-violent way and how to resolve more complicated disputes that will surely arise as she grows older.
Accentuate Your Child's Strong Points.
Recognize every success, no matter how small. Make sure you notice, and make sure your child knows you noticed. Don't make your child learn from others - or learn by overhearing you talk with others - that you think well of her and are proud of her. Tell her directly. When your child tries to do something, but does not succeed, be sure to point out the areas of the pursuit that were successful. Give her credit for trying hard, and encourage her to try again.
Lighten Up!
Laughter is the best medicine. Teach your child to take life lightly by taking it lightly yourself. Teach your child to laugh at her mistakes and take challenges in stride by modeling that behavior. Enjoy the small and simple pleasures in everyday life. A beautiful day, the song of a bird, music, the perfume of spring flowers, and so many more things are there for us to enjoy freely every day. Be sure to take the time to enjoy life, and encourage your child to enjoy life, too. You will both be glad you did!
Copyright: SuzanneBennett: April 17, 2009
Suzanne Bennett is a Behavioral Science Specialist with over 10 years of successful experience working with average children and children with disabilities and behavior disorders.
For more information on children and child care, you may enjoy:
Advice On Potty Time
http://www.advice.com/latest/article/2009/03/31/Advice+on+Potty+Time
Advice On Addressing Behavior Problems
http://www.advice.com/article.jsp?id=94d9367657dc46f784f3a52c524b2171
What to Give to Someone Who Doesn't Like Anything
http://hubpages.com/hub/What-To-Give-To-Someone-Who-Doesnt-Like-Anything
PHOTO:
Title: Swinging in Santa Monica
Attribution License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/
Photographer: Malingering: everystockphoto.com
Help Your Child's Self-Confidence Soar!
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